It's very interesting how life sometimes works things together to teach you lessons. In the last several months I've learned a lot, as painful or difficult as it may have been at times. One of the biggest things I learned was from watching the new Top Gun movie. The movie was great and I really enjoyed watching it (several times) with people who were familiar with the planes and maneuvers. But what stuck with me through it all, was the line Ice wrote to Mav, "It's time to let go".
Now, I'm not in any situation similar to Maverick's, but reading that line several times and letting it mull through my brain over and over, I realized how much of my pain is/was caused by my inability to let go. I care so much (and that's a good thing), but when I disappoint someone or don't reach what I believe is my full potential for someone, it bothers me beyond imagination. For years I will wonder what I did wrong or how I can make something right. For decades I feel responsible or bad for failing to be better. It's not necessary to know what I did wrong. It's just necessary to know that somehow, my efforts weren't enough.
Through the Top Gun movie, I definitely identify with the lack of knowledge of how to let go, but I've been working on it. Letting go of what I can't change and not carrying the weight of guilt for something that I don't even know or something only perceived as such by me.
I can't change people. I can't change life's circumstances.
But what I can do, is learn to let it go (Yes, I'm singing the Frozen song in my head!) and not let the negativity eat away at me.
Here, now, you find me working to look more to my future. The realization that my future may not be what I had imagined or wanted even, but it's perfect. It's exactly where I need to be and the positivity that I carry and give will grow and blossom all around me.
I can't force everyone to be positive nor understand how much I care and how much I love and how much I give. But what I can control is learning to give everything I have in love, and whether it is received as such or not, to let it go and keep moving forward!