I wrote in the last post how anticipated were the days ahead of rest and relaxation. I had spent the last month especially, treading water more and more until I finally reached a place two days ago, where I could lie on my back and float without all the stress and close my eyes to feel the sunshine bathing my skin and energizing my life back vivacity.
Then just a day ago, as I lay in bed, relaxing as if on the ocean waves, I received news. Such news as if someone was forcing and holding me just under the water. A distance where I could feel the cool air as my arms and legs thrashing in attempt to escape and I could see the light shining above me while yet I was unable to breath.
The following day I was in a near trance trying to imagine how I will survive moving forward; flailing through the day to catch even a brief breath.
I now sit through time fighting between living in the power of now and enjoying the moments as I have them, and trying to figure out how I can survive my next half year. I dare not think further.
The dichotomy of feeling hope and happiness in one moment and consumed by despair and despondency in the next.