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Discipline: Finding the Right Key to Open the Door

The last year has been really really hard. For everybody.

I used to roll my eyes every time someone asked for Pachelbel's Canon or that piece from Titanic. I'd play the canon as beautifully as possible while trying to imagine anything other than a wedding and I'd play the cantina music from Titanic if they didn't know the name of "My Heart Will Go On", just to play something fun and be a little snarky in the process.

Now I wish I had the opportunity to just play: anything with a group again. To make music and feel that connection and those chills when it all comes together just right, to hold back the emotional tears of happiness because I love what I do so much.

This past year has taught me a lot about myself. It's an incredible thing to go through so much in life and feel like you learn more and more only to find out you know less and less.

Things I've learned this past year about myself:

  • I work better with company.

  • I find inspiration by being around others.

  • I get very sad if I can only listen to classical music without the hope of performing it.

  • I prefer collaboration to working alone.

  • I will research anything to get out of editing articles.

  • I really hate cooking.

  • I much prefer living in Mexico to living in the USA.

  • I am always tired if I wake up before 9a.m.

  • I am not a dog person so I'm lucky Denny Crane is half cat.

  • I'm really a country girl at heart.

Spending the last year applying to writing jobs turned into a massive and back breaking dead end. Finding the discipline and inspiration to be a freelance writer has proven difficult this year. When I moved to Mexico I had images of cafes and writing sessions and I did that for about one month before covid hit hard. I loved the hustle and bustle of the people around me while sitting in a back corner sipping my cup of tea and just watching and listening and writing. Now I find myself distracted by any and everything. There are dishes to wash, dogs to bathe, lawns to water, emails to check, food to buy, information to research, exercise to do, etc. I haven't found the inspiration to write the way I did before covid: music or no music, classical vs country; tv or no tv, movie vs news channel; dressed or not dressed, grubs vs makeup and heels; desk or no desk, sitting up vs lounging around; caffeine or no caffeine, coffee vs water/green tea.

Try, try, try again.

The one very interesting thing I have learned this past year even more than before is that the steady thing I am good at doing no matter (unless I'm injured), is working out. Days with hardly any productivity work wise are still successful exercise wise. One would thing that the positivity hormones from working out would give me more energy and more motivation, but I have definitely not found that to be the case. I don't sleep better either. But still, the one thing I do nearly every day is exercise. Now if I can just find a way to apply that discipline to my writing we'd be golden!

The exercise does have one key benefit, it helps keep the weight down. I'm not blessed with a good metabolism. I have to work and work hard just to not gain weight. Doing some sort of exercise daily does help keep the potential for more modeling jobs open.

And now, surprise!

The brand that hired me for the catwalk apparently was very unhappy with me and never rehired me. I was very disappointed to say the least. I did the best I could do and asked lots of questions to make sure I was doing my best and also not offending anyone in case things were different between cultures here and the States. Even though the company never hired me for any more shows, I was hired for a photo session for a custom printing shirt company. As unhappy as the runway was, the photos were the opposite. Everyone seemed very please and happy, laughing and joking. I can only hope that the emotions were real and the words were honest and that I will get more bookings in the future. I wish I had a cool picture to post of me from the photo shoot and even better, a link to it live. But the website has over 277 pages of t-shirts and no, I haven't clicked on every single one to find out if I'm live on the site yet so unfortunately, I have nothing to show for my efforts here :( Just anticipating more opportunities in the future!

Moov workout results
I really like the Moov sensor and app! Wish I had the activity bracelet too.


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