Maybe I'm getting older or maybe life is just a lot more dull, but time seems to drag by while at the same time flying.
My posts have been limited to minimize the negativity I nearly always feel. I try my hardest to spread positive energy in person and wish to do the same in my blog and since my energy hasn't been very positive I've left the writing front alone for the most part.
Still, I do have a positive note to mention near the end of this year. Two notes actually.
The first is an update on my cyst.
A while back I wrote quite a detailed entry on my experience with a Bartholin cyst. I took heavy antibiotics and did nothing except lie around for months in order to heal. After that, I seemed to be okay and got back to jogging and trying to lose the weight I had put on from doing literally nothing for months. I am guessing I had started running for about a month when I noticed the cyst had returned.
I made an appointment to go back to the obgyn and she gave me another prescription for more antibiotics and told me if it came back a third time that she'd highly recommend invasive surgery to permanently open the duct.
Not much of one for lots of antibiotics, I took the minimal prescription the doc gave me and reduced the size of the cyst and the I reached out to a friend of mine for a holistic doctor recommendation...in Europe. Now that I wasn't in any emergency danger from the cyst it was time to try to fix the problem instead of only the symptoms.
Luckily for me, the holistic doctor was willing to prescribe me a regimen without seeing me and I was lucky also to be able to fill it at an holistic pharmacy here in Guadalajara.
I spent 3 weeks taking the various pills as prescribed and abstained from excessive friction in the area.
Granted to say that I gained lots of weight during 2021 because of these cysts. Not being allowed even to walk or sit down prevents nearly every type of conceivable exercise.
However, after the 3 weeks of the holistic medicine I was pretty sure it was completely gone but I wanted to make sure so I booked another appointment with the obgyn.
At the appointment I didn't tell her right away that I'd switched to an holistic approach. She's a nice doctor but I didn't want to offend her all the same so she did the checkup and commented how amazing I had healed. Normally it's apparent that a cyst was once there, or so she said. But she said multiple time how it appeared as if I had never had one and how awesome that was. So I told her. I had cheated on her with another doctor in Europe lol. She was amazed and wanted to know what he had prescribed so she could help other women with the same cyst so I checked with the European doctor and got the okay to share his knowledge with her.
This all happened a few months ago and I have yet to experience another regrowth (knock on wood everyone). I haven't got back into running yet like I had though so we will see what happens when I get back to 5k's 6 days a week. I had to go buy big girl pants since I couldn't fit into any of my jeans anymore. That wasn't any fun, but I have hope to get back to where I was again once I get back into a proper workout routine.
So crossing my fingers that I have beat the cyst for good, or at least, if it comes back again, the holistic medicine is all I need to get rid of it again.
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The second positive note is that after nearly 3 years (from the beginning of 2019), I played my violin with someone else en vivo.
It wasn't a concert. It wasn't a rehearsal. It wasn't professional. But it was music.
I thought that after 3 years I would have lost so much more of my skill, and I was rightfully embarrassed by the level I was at, but I was also greatly surprised at the level I was still at. I guess all but the last 3 years and the first 3 years of my life are enough to cement the violin into the core of my being and also why I cry just listening to classical music now. It is a part of me and I can't change that, nor do I want to change it.
What I want to change is me playing it. I want to play again with/for people: orchestras, chamber, cruises, house parties, etc. I want it with every fiber of my being.
I've been applying for other types of jobs for 2 years and have received hundreds of refusal letters and even more applications unanswered. It's almost like the universe refuses to let me do anything else. If only I could find 'it' again. To be able to be back performing and transforming people's lives with my music.
At least for the coming year I can hope for better.
2021 was a year without music, without my car (which is still leaking oil), without a job, and without travel. It was without friendship in person, without hope, and without a future.
I hope to have a brighter 2022. One with all the things I didn't have this year.
